Well if it’s absolutely necessary I’ll give it a go, but if I do there’s a good chance I’ll get stuck and won’t be able to get back up again.
NO! NO! NO! STOP IT! THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT!
Some people have minds like dirty sewers.
I was in the shop alone the other day, when a nice young man came in to pick up a bouquet (probably for his gorgeous wife or girlfriend).
I had already made it up and Becks had popped it on the floor in the ‘collection’ area before she went home. All I needed to do was wait for this handsome (oh did I mention he was handsome?) man to come and collect the bouquet and I could shut up shop and go home.
I was desperate for a bath. I tweaked my back the day before (that’s another story)
bending down to put a large vase on the floor and after a day on my feet, standing at a workbench I needed a long soak.
When this handsome man (did I mention he was handsome?)
stepped through the door I slid down the workbench after going slightly weak at the knees and had to climb back up to my full 5’2”
I then glided (or was it shuffled)
over the ‘dry’ area where the last bouquet box sat. I turned my back to the wall ( no one wants a view of my backside as I bend over) and attempted a dignified bow BUT my short, stumpy arms were still a good foot away from the handles of the box. I tried spreading my legs (STOP IT), but the box was still out of reach.
The only thing I could do was push the box closer to ‘Handsome Man’ (HM) with my foot. HM stood in the doorway looking a little bewildered as his box snaked its way slowly across the floor all by itself, as I followed fluttering my eyelashes and wearing my biggest grin.
When the box of beautiful blooms finally reached his polished, brown brogues, he looked down at his feet and then directly into my eyes.
“Sorry” I said, “I don’t go down these days, my back won’t take it”
A second later I realised what I’d said and flushed bright red!
Epilogue
(for those who want to know how I tweaked my back in the first place).
I was so excited by this news and couldn't wait to get back there. I turned up early on Friday morning with fresh flowers to welcome back visitors.
I was carrying an very large arrangement in a big glass vase to the reception room when I was politely stopped and informed that I would have to have my temperature taken before entering the hotel.
I immediately stopped and the weight of the vase coupled with being slightly top heavy resulted in a sudden jolt forward.
I think the person who so politely stopped me in my tracks thought that when they asked if they could take my temperature, I thought that meant they wanted me to BEND OVER!
It wasn't actually what I thought, but the result of stopping so suddenly meant that there I was, bum up, in front of a person holding a thermometer!
To make it worse, I was stuck, I couldn’t stand back up and social distancing made it difficult for anyone to come to my aid. I gently put the heavy vase down, shuffled to the wall and slowly climbed up it.
Who knew Floristry was so strenuous.